Tuesday, June 26th, 2012...9:58 pm

Toddler Malfunctions

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Life with a toddler is chock-full of it-seemed-like-a-good-idea-at-the-time moments. A toddler’s job is to keep us parents guessing, keep us on our toes (are you following @honesttoddler on twitter? Why not? Every tweet is so spot-on funny. Sometimes I wonder if it isn’t Miles with his own twitter account… but I digress).

My good-idea-at-the-time ideas fall into a few categories:


It seemed like a good idea to let Miles hide behind a chair shredding tissues for twenty minutes. Because – TWENTY MINUTES! He was contained in one space, not hurting himself, not bothering Nora, not running off to the second activity twenty seconds after starting the first. But… cleaning up twenty minutes worth of shredded tissues that were wedged in a toddler-sized space? Not so fun.

And of course there were the times I let him blow bubbles in the house (good thing we are replacing our carpet) or when I let him free with Nora’s trunk of doll clothes (we’re still looking for the missing doll shoes). But sometimes when he’s happy playing with something that occupies him in one spot, I opt for the mess over the constant toddler chasing.

Snack Traps:

Snack traps always seem like a good idea. I remember the way Nora used to stick her whole hand through the top and grab a whole handful of cheerios only to have one find her mouth and ten find the floor. The snack trap should have a disclaimer that it will only keep the food safe while it isn’t being eaten.

Today I let Miles roam the balcony at Nora’s gymnastics class with his snack trap in tow. When the cheerios and goldfish started dropping like toddler shrapnel onto the gym floor below, I yanked it away and hid. I was the mom with the rogue toddler and the rogue snacks. The snacks temporarily kept him from screaming, but I hope no one got a cheerio in the eye down below.

Which leads me to the next category…

Bringing A Toddler to a Little Kid event:

I signed Nora up for a gymnastics/dance class for the summer since her regular class is on hiatus for the summer and dancing is the highlight of her week. It seemed like a great idea at the time – a win-win, really: fun for Nora, time with just me and Miles. But I didn’t really research the place for it’s toddler safety. So, yeah. Parents watch from a balcony that is the opposite of toddler friendly. And Miles? He LOVES to climb. So he sees the square pattern that is just so perfect for his toddler feet and he thinks that it is a jungle-gym built just for him. So he climbs. And I pull him down. And then he runs. And I chase him. I get a workout just watching Nora since Miles is on fire the whole time. And as soon as his sister hits the gym floor he yells “Dora! Dora! DOOORRRRAAA!” So I’m the mom with the out of control toddler who named her kid after the most annoying cartoon ever (Miles loves the letter D! Not so much N or M…).

Wardrobe Malfunctions:

And, lastly, the toddler-induced wardrobe malfunctions. Wardrobe items that seemed like a good idea? V-neck tees (comfortable, right?), elastic waist skirts (comfortable, right?) and sun dresses (comfortable, right?).

But these good ideas turn bad when you are walking out of the library with Miles in one arm and Nora in the other (library meltdown…) and a nice man looks at you and says, “You’re quite weighed down!” And you get to the car, thinking that he was empathizing, but you look at yourself in the window’s reflection and realize that Miles has grabbed the side of your V-neck and is causing you to totally flash the nice library-goers.

Or when you are chasing Miles around during the gymnastics class and he grabs your skirt with angry vigor and he pulls it down to an embarrassingly low point.

Or when you are wearing a dress and Nora sticks her hand up the skirt to rub your leg at the same time Miles pulls the V on the neck to the side to flash the world again.

I apologize to everyone who has had to catch unwanted glimpses of my bra this summer, or who has had to deal with cheerio shrapnel, or who has to listen to my loud and crazy toddler while you are trying to chat with friends while your child is finally occupied for an hour. At least he’s cute!

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  • You’re not the mom with the out of control toddler — you’re the mom with a toddler. We gave up on the library loooong ago. And I totally feel your pain. The twins were in a 4 week gymnastics class and it was like a revolving door of dealing with their sister and also dealing with them trying to leave class to see what I was doing. Notreally looking forward to swim lessons.

  • Thanks, Leigh Ann! I’m dreading swim lessons in July too!

  • My sister who has just had her third child has given up on caring about her own malfunctions and just goes with the flow. Sometimes that is all you can do.
    Stopping in from SITS

  • I can totally relate to wardrobe malfunctions with a toddler! Mine still likes to stick his hand down my shirt just for fun. Sigh.

    Stopping by from SITS Sharefest.

  • Cheerio shrapnel!!?? Hilarious. What a cute post! I love your sense of humor.

  • He is very cute! Ah, the beauty of having little kids. It makes me tired just reading about it.

    Cute post. Thanks for sharing. Stopping by from SITS. Have a great weekend.

  • Fun post. I remember those days so well. Messes are worth 20 minutes of doing something like blogging or reading. And my fashion sense is still missing! Stopping by from Sharefest.

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